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23 Apr 2011
22 Apr 2011
FUNNY RIDDLES
If Mounties 'Always Get Their Man', what do Postmen always get?
- Their Mail.
Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?
- Because it has four eyes and it can't even see!
Who is the fastest runner in the whole world?
- Adam, because he was the first in the human race.
What is higher without the head, than with it?
- A pillow.
Why is an island like the letter T?
- Because it's in the middle of water.
When is a chair like an expensive scarf?
- When it's Satin.
If everyone bought a white car, what would we have?
- A white carnation.
What is the best cure for dandruff?
- Baldness
What do you call a man who doesn't have all his fingers on one hand?
- Normal - You have fingers on both hands!
If you threw a White stone into the Red Sea, what would it become?
- Wet
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
- A Towel
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
- Eleven, (T..h..e...A..l..p..h..a..b..e..t)
Where does Friday come before Thursday?
- In the Dictionary.
When is a car, not a car?
- When it turns into a parking lot.
What's the difference between a Jeweler and a Jailer?
- A Jeweler sells watches....A Jailer watches cells.
What invention lets you look right through a wall?
- A window.
A boy fell off a 100 foot ladder. But he did not get hurt. Why not?
- He fell off the bottom step.
What has a ring, but no finger?
- A telephone
What bank never has any money?
- The riverbank
What wears a jacket, but no pants?
- A book
What can clap without any hands?
- Thunder
What has a bark, but no bite?
- A tree
What ship has two mates, but no captain?
- A Relationship.
- Their Mail.
Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?
- Because it has four eyes and it can't even see!
Who is the fastest runner in the whole world?
- Adam, because he was the first in the human race.
What is higher without the head, than with it?
- A pillow.
Why is an island like the letter T?
- Because it's in the middle of water.
When is a chair like an expensive scarf?
- When it's Satin.
If everyone bought a white car, what would we have?
- A white carnation.
What is the best cure for dandruff?
- Baldness
What do you call a man who doesn't have all his fingers on one hand?
- Normal - You have fingers on both hands!
If you threw a White stone into the Red Sea, what would it become?
- Wet
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
- A Towel
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
- Eleven, (T..h..e...A..l..p..h..a..b..e..t)
Where does Friday come before Thursday?
- In the Dictionary.
When is a car, not a car?
- When it turns into a parking lot.
What's the difference between a Jeweler and a Jailer?
- A Jeweler sells watches....A Jailer watches cells.
What invention lets you look right through a wall?
- A window.
A boy fell off a 100 foot ladder. But he did not get hurt. Why not?
- He fell off the bottom step.
What has a ring, but no finger?
- A telephone
What bank never has any money?
- The riverbank
What wears a jacket, but no pants?
- A book
What can clap without any hands?
- Thunder
What has a bark, but no bite?
- A tree
What ship has two mates, but no captain?
- A Relationship.
10 ways to identify a hacker
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
Mount Rushmore
have you ever wondered
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What's on the other side?
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3 Apr 2011
諸葛亮，劉備，孫權，曹操
話說有一次諸葛亮，劉備，孫權，曹操四人同乘飛機，突然遇到緊急情況，需要跳傘逃生。
這時候才發現機上只剩下三個降落傘。
大家一陣緊張，這時只見諸葛搖搖羽毛扇清清嗓子，說「這樣吧，山人出幾道題，能答上來的，就跳傘， 答不上來的只好自己跳下去了」。
其他人沒辦法只好同意。
諸葛亮再搖了搖羽毛扇問劉備「天上有幾個太陽？」 劉備一想簡單，回答「一個」於是拿了個降落傘下去了。
諸葛亮再問孫權「天上有幾個月亮」 孫權回答「一個」 也拿了個降落傘下去了。
最後輪到曹操，諸葛亮問「天上有幾個星星」 曹操一楞，回答不上來只好自己跳下去了
沒想到竟然跳在了海裡 撿回一條命。
曹操暗自慶幸
第二次四個人又坐飛機遇到緊急情況， 四人一商量，得，還是老辦法吧。
諸葛亮又搖起羽毛扇問劉備 「當年周武王戰敗紂王的那場戰役是？」
劉備一想簡單，回答「牧野之戰」 諸葛亮點點頭，於是劉備拿了個傘包下去了。
諸葛亮再問孫權「那場戰役死了多少人」 孫權想了想說「大概有三四萬」
諸葛點點頭，孫權拿了個傘包也下去了，
曹操不禁偷笑在想「諸葛亮呀諸葛亮，本人可是貫古通今， 尤其是軍事，這次你可是栽了，呵呵」
只見諸葛亮問「他們都叫什麼」 曹操一聽差點暈過去，只好自己跳下去了，
沒想到竟然又跳在了海裡 撿回一條命。 曹操暗自竊笑 「媽X，老子命大，看你諸葛亮老頭能把我怎麼样？！」
第三次同樣四個人坐飛機，飛機又遇到緊急情況，
曹操心想「妈x...諸葛亮老頭又要整我了，乾脆我直接跳下去算了，免受侮辱。」
於是一橫心，跳了下去，
在空中高速下降中。只聽得上面諸葛亮的笑聲傳來
「曹操啊曹操，枉你聰明一世，哈哈，今天飛機上有四個降落傘啊！」
曹操:「幹!」聲響側雲霄.........................
這時候才發現機上只剩下三個降落傘。
大家一陣緊張，這時只見諸葛搖搖羽毛扇清清嗓子，說「這樣吧，山人出幾道題，能答上來的，就跳傘， 答不上來的只好自己跳下去了」。
其他人沒辦法只好同意。
諸葛亮再搖了搖羽毛扇問劉備「天上有幾個太陽？」 劉備一想簡單，回答「一個」於是拿了個降落傘下去了。
諸葛亮再問孫權「天上有幾個月亮」 孫權回答「一個」 也拿了個降落傘下去了。
最後輪到曹操，諸葛亮問「天上有幾個星星」 曹操一楞，回答不上來只好自己跳下去了
沒想到竟然跳在了海裡 撿回一條命。
曹操暗自慶幸
第二次四個人又坐飛機遇到緊急情況， 四人一商量，得，還是老辦法吧。
諸葛亮又搖起羽毛扇問劉備 「當年周武王戰敗紂王的那場戰役是？」
劉備一想簡單，回答「牧野之戰」 諸葛亮點點頭，於是劉備拿了個傘包下去了。
諸葛亮再問孫權「那場戰役死了多少人」 孫權想了想說「大概有三四萬」
諸葛點點頭，孫權拿了個傘包也下去了，
曹操不禁偷笑在想「諸葛亮呀諸葛亮，本人可是貫古通今， 尤其是軍事，這次你可是栽了，呵呵」
只見諸葛亮問「他們都叫什麼」 曹操一聽差點暈過去，只好自己跳下去了，
沒想到竟然又跳在了海裡 撿回一條命。 曹操暗自竊笑 「媽X，老子命大，看你諸葛亮老頭能把我怎麼样？！」
第三次同樣四個人坐飛機，飛機又遇到緊急情況，
曹操心想「妈x...諸葛亮老頭又要整我了，乾脆我直接跳下去算了，免受侮辱。」
於是一橫心，跳了下去，
在空中高速下降中。只聽得上面諸葛亮的笑聲傳來
「曹操啊曹操，枉你聰明一世，哈哈，今天飛機上有四個降落傘啊！」
曹操:「幹!」聲響側雲霄.........................
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